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State of the world

It's been a few days since I updated.

Things are, if not going well, at least progressing. It's seven days since I came home to find my wife had died in my brief absence. In that seven days I've learned that she was better loved than most people, and that I am as well, which is really a surprise in some ways.

I've learned that I shouldn't cook for myself without a plan because I'll either make too much, and then eat too much, or make too little, and then get the munchies.

In dreams, my own and others, I learned that Penny is surrounded in white light, floating in pure joy (Marcie); that she was in prison for many years and has suddenly been set free (Janet); and that she had a really important job to do, something that only she could do, that she had been prepared for specifically, something that will make all of creation a better place, (my dream) and I was simultaneously envious and happy about that. I also 'accompanied' her in another dream, from darkness to a brightly lit field with wildflowers, and to a circular stone gate with a stone seal (imagery inspired by Narnia and by Oranbega in City of Heroes, I suspect ... the real thing would be very different) and that she was able to go through but she told me I couldn't yet, and I woke up gasping for breath. (That latter thing is a narcoleptic symptom; sometimes my nervous system turns off all my voluntary motor nerves, and breathing is semi-voluntary so I get panicky.)

The obituary was in Monday's paper, and I didn't expect it because they called me to ask about it on Monday.
It's also on the website, at http://www.oregonlive.com/obituaries/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/obits/113745572756810.xml&coll=7 for those who want to get at it.

Penny's special cat, Faux Paw, has heart disease. She's 20 years old (or very close to that) and I think she was with Penny when she died - because Faux Paw has been very unhappy all week. I got fluid taken out of the lining around her lungs on Saturday, and need to get her on some heart meds, soon (but haven't been able to get to Costco yet. Tomorrow though.)

I got about 25 cards from friends today. Had dinner at Brad and Linda's as Brad was suffering through a night of Green Jello and Chicken Broth - followed by a bottle of FLUSH-O-PURGE. He's having a colonoscopy tomorrow, and endoscopy just for safety sake, poor guy. Still, better to know. I suppose I will have to do this same thing in the next year or so. !yay! Anyway, Brad and Linda had made up a photo book with all the pictures they could find from over the years. Something absolutely nifty. It made me very happy to see her face again.

For christmas, some years ago, she made me a little pink dragon out of Fimo, which was holding out its heart to me. When I find that dragon, I will make an LJ icon of it for her journal. It's somewhere, in storage.

While writing this, I'm watching The Prisoner on BBC America. This was another of the things I share with Penny.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
dalbino83
Jan. 20th, 2006 01:45 pm (UTC)
Hugs for you and for Faux Paw. (I love that name!) I wish I had something more eloquent to offer.
foomf
Jan. 20th, 2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
S'OK. She has gone to the Rainbow Bridge, and Penny's already waiting for her.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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Steve Hutchison

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