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Wierd-ass bizarre commercials

OK, some friends have already noted that the people who sell candy to children are insane.

For instance, the Starburst Fruit Chews commercial with two guys, real "Jay and Silent Bob" types, working in a factory where there are apparently open barrels of impossibly caustic chemicals standing around; one of these two drops his Starburst into the vat, tries to grab it out with his left arm, comes away with said arm completely missing as though dissolved, tries WITH THE OTHER ARM, stands there armless, while the other starts to reach in for it. The stupid it burns. What should we think is IN Starburst?

Then there's those bizarre fruit flavored candies that horribly mutate the children who eat them, deforming their heads into giant fruit shapes, while the poor victims grin vapidly as their now-vegetable brains are only good for encouraging their as-yet-unmutated friends to take the challenge, to become the fruit monstrosities themselves.

And the horror of what Honeycomb cereal does ... originally, it was addictive, and withdrawal caused, per the commercials, a sort of hideous mutation into something not much different from a Gremlin, but more vicious. Lately, though, they seem to have reduced the levels of the mutagen, so now all it does is distort the jaw and mouth of the regular user so that they open perhaps twice the diameter of the usual cereal bowl. Presumably this allows them to unhinge and engulf the oversized cereal like a snake engulfing a chicken.

It appears that even the adult commercials for foods have been corrupted.
Tonight, I paid attention to a commercial that I usually just ignored. In an upscale restaurant, a woman is whispering fiercely at the man sitting across from her. He is avidly cutting up and eating a steak with A1 sauce on it, though our glimpse of the sauce is only intermittent. Far more interesting is her whispered demand that he explain himself, that she doesn't even KNOW him, that he will regret this, and finally a demand that he stop eating and listen to her. He finishes and wipes his lips, then leaves the table... and her husband comes back from the phone, "The babysitter says everything is fine. Did you eat my steak?"

I can assure you that after a single bite, Penny would have stuck a fork into the back of his hand, and begun shouting for the manager. I certainly wouldn't have tolerated it, and would have demanded that the manager do something about it.
A-1 sauce or not, that so transgresses the bounds of public courtesy that it's just ... GAH!

OK, I've vented.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 14th, 2006 08:37 am (UTC)
You obviously need sleep. Since I can't send that, here, have a wacky Japanese comedy program instead.
May. 14th, 2006 03:23 pm (UTC)

That... I want to show that to whipartist.
May. 14th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC)
Also, you were up that late too.

OK, now that I'm not howling, that was exquisite.

The implication here is that we are in a library, so it would be shameful to be disruptive, yet none of the other patrons seems aware of what's going on.
These appear to be famous people as well.

I also fear the old man. He only took out his UPPER plate.
May. 14th, 2006 08:46 am (UTC)
Y'know, advertising is a big part of why I stopped watching TV about 5 years ago now, and I don't miss it in the slightest.

Of course, the downside to most of my life being free of this inane shit is that I am now hyper-sensitive to it when I do have to put up with it, like when I go see a movie. >.
May. 14th, 2006 12:58 pm (UTC)
Bah. If it weren't for advertising, I'd go from being annoyed at the selling of stuff to being in the dark about stuff I would have wanted.

I like knowing when Lobsterfest is on. Knowing when there's a new SF program that catches my eye in between segments of one I'm already watching. Catching a trailer for a videogame that actually has promise in it.

And I get a big kick out of people who Tivo their way past commerials and then find out they missed some marathon because they weren't paying attention. Oh darnity darn darn!!!

Above all, I love the pop culture references in the Family Guy cartoon.

But that's just me. I piinch.
May. 14th, 2006 01:18 pm (UTC)
It's not the concept of advertising that I object to, it's the manner in which it is done these past few decades. It seems that advertising agencies have joined the commercial networks in a race to see who can reach the very lowest common denominator. And then drag the rest of us down to that.

Now, me, I don't really have anything in common with what passes for pop culture where I live. So I just don't watch/listen to it. Easy solution, and no-one gets their underwear in a bunch.

I get my information and entertainment from the net almost exclusively. It means I can find the sorts of things I want, pretty much when I want it, and I don't have to deal with the rest of the stuff I don't want to.

to being in the dark about stuff I would have wanted.

Well, this does happen to me occasionally, but for the most part, the people I talk with online share very similar interests with me, so I hear about things I *do* care about. And word of mouth(keyboard) can often be much faster than any corporation. What little I do miss I consider the cost of skipping all the mindless/tedious/insulting drivel I would have to wade through otherwise.

And that's cheap at half the price in my book.

But that's just my way of living life. Wouldn't work for others, which is fine. Their way doesn't work for me. And everyone's, if not happy, at least the minimum of miserable.
May. 14th, 2006 01:29 pm (UTC)
So no piinch? :-)

More than anything else I was just taking a trip down memory lane... little sitcom called NewsRadio had Stephen Root's character ranting on about PBS giving away Seseme Street tote bags because without advertising it's bye-bye Grover, no Cookie Monster, and no Oscar the Grouch, and after leaving the room he storms back in with a completely apopletic "Not to mention Kermit the damn Frog!!"

I thought the actor was going to bust a vein! So anyway, "Kermit the Damn Frog" was and is the first thing to pop into my mind regarding any discussion of the subject. I think I've found my new sig line.
May. 14th, 2006 04:31 pm (UTC)
I've got some butter and lemon in the back here.
May. 14th, 2006 04:58 pm (UTC)
To recognize 'piinch' he'd have to watch the advertising.

Even with that, I only saw that one once last night, it's not in heavy rotation on the shows I watch.

Did you mean to put in two i's to riff on the 'wii' from nintendo, or did they spell it that way on the commercial?
May. 14th, 2006 05:05 pm (UTC)
No, not the console at all... the voice of that crab has a tinge of an accent, not a full long-e sound but that clipped version, as in "Si`!" Well I tend to just put two i's together since I can't figure out how to display a true accent-marked character.
May. 14th, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
Ah. So fortuitous whimsy. Cool.
May. 14th, 2006 04:14 pm (UTC)
Icon Squee!

I have the ability to ignore advertising, and though I currently lack Tivo or related technology, I can certainly time-delay via tape, if something is especially noxious.

That said, the adult commercial that made me boggle is actually cleverly written to make the viewer think that the woman is just having a tiff with her boyfriend/husband ... but then there's the little zing at the end. Trouble is, the A-1 sauce connection just isn't there for me. A half hour later, what I remembered the first time was the story, not the product.
May. 14th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC)
The other version of that ad works better... the guy takes a piece of steak and dabs it on a stray dab of A1 at the corner of the woman's mouth. They actually made it appear that he was about to romantically feed her the piece if I remember right. But the sauce distracted him and he dabbed it and consumed it for his own.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )