?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

18 weeks

The eighteenth week since Penny died.

It's been summer here. 80-96 degree heat, intolerable.

I've been somewhat sick all week, and not sure from what. Headaches, coughing but not really coughing, sleep schedule more disrupted than ever, cannot focus on work for more than 10 minutes at a time. This is really bad, but I don't know how to make it work better. Can't really invite people over to get help. The ones I most want to come are too busy, the ones who are most available are unable to deal with my complicated messy schedule, or would be far too distracting and hard to talk to, really. Not to be ungrateful or anything.

I haven't really broken down for several days, but I don't think that's a good sign, because I've been so sick. So easily distracted. So irritable and sarcastic and occasionally nasty. I don't need to be like that.

Somehow I really need to focus on getting work done, on the things that are important and that I have to do.
Maybe I'll just leave the computer off tomorrow... its an easy distraction. But, I need to program. And having been sick all day Wednesday, I have to work Saturday or Sunday to make up for it.

Somehow, not doing anything is more exhausting than doing everything I need.
Tomorrow or Saturday, the bicycle goes in to GI Joes for its tune-up.