This was a very weird week.
Since I had a visitor coming, I didn't get nearly as much done. The heat wave broke with a bunch of rain and storm which was lovely, but I got a bit maudlin remembering how much I liked to snuggle with Penny during such weather.
Cleaning the living room (which was disgusting) and getting all the scrap paper/recycles over to the center Tues. at 7:30AM (as the skies opened and I was soaked to the skin in 1.4 seconds while carrying bags of paper to the compressor) had some positive effect.
Visiting had some as well, though I don't think my friend (who also knew Penny well) actually looked through my bag of stuff that's supposed to turn into a memory book/box some day.
I was doing pretty well today, earlier, until I came across something completely unexpected: in an unrelated community, a poster had made an icon showing the elderly woman in Tennessee who had "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on her chest (and it will have no legal standing there, without an order in writing on the proper form.) Another community member found it triggery, and explained that her mother was dying and they were trying to bring themselves to sign the form.
And then, dispassionately, I explained that it was one of the harder things that Penny and I did, signing that form.
We didn't expect to need it - it was all a formality, because we'd be able to get her on palliative chemo, and she was going to get her strength back enoug to use more aggressive treatment, and she'd end up ok.
Or at least we'd have more than two days at home together.
I didn't explain that signing the form was recommended for advanced cancer patients, because if someone died of cardiac failure due to cancer, resuscitation (if successful) tended to bring them back into an even more painful existence, and usually with brain injuries as well. And they died again within days.
That was hard to believe at the time. I believe it more now.
I should start giving the 'emotional pain level' on the same scale as the 'physical pain level.'
On a scale of 0-10, where 0 is no pain, and 10 is the worst (emotional) pain I've ever felt, I rate this week a sustained 3.5. It never dropped below 2, but very seldom spiked over 5.
I have a book recommendation.
"His Majesty's Dragon" and "The Jade Throne", both by Naomi Novik.
Penny would really love these books. They're pre or early Regency era, they have Napoleonic Wars, a sea captain who reminds one of Horation Hornblower, and a take on Dragons which fits them seamlessly into the world. VERY well written as well.