Steve Hutchison (foomf) wrote,
Steve Hutchison

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Week 27

I feel numb, I guess.

Somewhere I got a big shot of emotional novacain.

This is six months and one week, or 27 weeks, since I found Penny's cast-aside shell. I was going to post this last night, but it was way too late and I'm going to try to get in to work before noon.

I'm NOT 'done healing' or any such rot. Even writing this, because I'm paying attention, I know that the pain is still there.
I'm also going to go out of my way to find it. I ordered a bunch of music off CDBaby yesterday. It's been years since we bought music.
Part of what I bought is some 'new age' stuff - just listening to the sample, which had no lyrics and no explicit meaning, started me leaking again, which does not bode well for me ever being able to listen to music casually. Therefore, I will listen to it intentionally, so it won't ambush me like that song last week.

I have two goals for the coming week.
First, I need to get my hours shifted to a more decent time. Getting to work by 10AM at the latest.
Second, once I pick my bicycle up from GI Joes, I need to ride it to work, or to a MAX station near work and then build up to longer rides.

Two things yesterday that I noticed.
First, that I stopped at Albertsons and got chicken for lunch/dinner - I have to stop doing that on Thursdays.
Second, that I howled when I got home - forgot for a moment. Then I did it again on purpose.

Y'know... talking about this in person is almost more than I can manage, but writing it here ... still just as bad, but maybe because I'm not keeping my public defenses going, and I can stop long enough to blow my nose or curse or yell or cuddle my extremely needy cat, it's just possible to do it.

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