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Dreaming

I managed to get to sleep by 2:30 this morning instead of 4:30, and as a result, woke up an hour later, and then forced myself to NOT get up, went back to sleep. After a while I started dreaming, a long, complicated dream which isn't anywhere near as fun when I try to explain it, but it involved conspiracies to take over the government by the military-industrial complex, the secret superhero training facilities, Las Vegas casinos WITHOUT ties to organized crime, and other unbelievable things :)

The part I remember most clearly was the two intelligent, talking giant otters who rescued me from a trap that wouldn't let me move; they took me to the people who could help. One of them, to my great delight, was Penny. At that point I realized I was dreaming, but didn't need to wake up. I knew it was really her rather than only a dream - she looked like she did in college, but NO GLASSES. That's the important part, right there, the 'no glasses'. Anyway, there was some "good to see you again" conversation, but as I got closer to hug her, she said "wait, not yet," and I woke up abruptly. I knew it was the orpheus effect - the dream gets broken when you try to make it immanent in the physical world - so I just lay there and remembered and listened to ELO playing in the music track in my head.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
bigangry
Oct. 18th, 2006 02:56 am (UTC)
Nowadays, 9 years after he died and 18 years after he first was diagnosed with the brain tumor(s), my dad is in a lot of my dreams, like nothing happened in the first place. I have dreams with him in them regularly now, but didn't at first. The downside to that is that when he got the brain tumors, his personality gradually changed into a mean, demanding person, so I never know which Dad I'm going to get in the dreams... the funny, caring dad or the one that nightmares are made of.
foomf
Oct. 18th, 2006 05:59 am (UTC)
I feel for you, about the personality changes.
My grandmother is dying of Alzheimer's disease. She's probably got a week or two at most; she refused food today and barely woke long enough to do that.

When I was growing up, there were times when she took care of me, and my two younger brothers. She could be almost annoyingly self-sacrificing, and would put herself to utterly unnecessary discomfort and inconvenience so that her kids would know that she loved them. Some of this was pure guilt for her second husband, who was a vicious, abusive, violent man, but she was, at heart, a loving person. She had some of the problems of her time, and because of a kidney ailment, she also had occasional paranoid times, but when they discovered the cause she got a LOT better.

She could also be very harsh for no apparent reason, as when she took a dislike to one of her grandchildren because he looked like someone she hated when she was growing up, and was always cruel to him for that reason.
It bothered Mom that she couldn't make Grandma see reason about that.
About three years ago, we discovered a possible cause for that unreasonable attitude - Grandma was diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer's disease, to the point that the doctors were surprised she was able to move.

The diagnosis came because my Mom realized that Grandma's odd behavior had gone 'getting old and cranky'. She had asked, even pushed, Mom to take in my neice (my next-youngest brother's daughter) so she would finish her last year of highschool. So, Mom did... and Grandma became irrationally vicious whenever said neice was around, harassing her, poking at her, yelling at her whenever she saw her, and generally making her unable to live there.

When the diagnosis was made, it was at least an explanation.
And, now, after a long time, it's coming to an end, both for good and ill.

Penny's been in my dreams as she was on earth, and as she is now, freed from the prison her body had become. If I am still here 10 years from now, I'm hoping that she'll still be there when I close my eyes, and I hope that I'm seeing the free, strong, joyous version more than the one who had to struggle with a body that doesn't work.
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