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Highlander: The Sauce

Now, I rather liked the Highlander movie, the first one. (There Should Have Been Only One.)

I also liked the series, and the other series, but they got awfully, oh what's the word, pseudogothy. GothTalky. They used the edgy dark fashion sensibility and the fascination with death that didn't really stick, but the DRAMA OMG THE DRAMA ... got to be a bit too much after a while. It wasn't always bad.

But then the second movie. The movie of the spayze alienzz Exziles ... Highlander as if it were done by Scientology.

They tried to fix it with the third movie but the dialogue was so spastic, so agonizing, that the actors would spontaneously start bleeding from their ears.

And now this movie. The Source.

Strike one: the very first paragraph: "The world has fallen into chaos and anarchy."

Strike two: the bodybuilder in makeup (The Guardian) whose conversation appears to be written by a ten year old. He moves at super-speed, in a very hokey looking special effect, and apparently feels the need to announce what's going on, in a voice that varies from situation to situation. For instance, when he says "There can be only ME!!" (and that's supposed to be, I dunno, shocking, that he varies from the "There can be only one" ritual before beheading his enemy.)
And then afterwards, he feels it necessary to announce *in a different corny voice* that the lightning-storm is 'The Quickening.' Well, yeah, that's not going to tell anyone who does NOT know the back-story anything useful. He continues to do things like singing (over-dubbed) the theme song, and such nonsense, through the entire show. Massively stupid.

Strike three: Speaking of ten year olds: The kid who speaks in a James Earl Jones-like voice, telling Duncan's wife who left him because she wanted a bayyyybeeeee, and apparently couldn't handle the concept of, oh, I dunno, sperm bank?
Anyway, this ten year old says "FIND THE SAUCE" in this echo-boxy ominous voice, and repeats it four or five times so we can be absolutely sure that it isn't really saying "Find the SOURCE".

Strike four, and this is a possible spoiler, the Giant Slug Priest Elder.

I won't even BEGIN to get into the Celestial Alignment thing, extremely weird, but it can be ignored as a plot doohickey.

Grade: Two robots.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
erikred
Sep. 16th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
I do believe you forgot to mention the fourth movie: Endgame, though, really, why bother.

Wow, that fifth movie looks really, really bad.
foomf
Sep. 16th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
There was a fourth movie?

Bleah.
dvandom
Sep. 16th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
The fourth movie was a clear victim of "it tested badly, we're going to reshoot the ending" syndrome. All sorts of foreshadowing that DOESN'T pay off, not to mention completed effects shots from the final fight that made it into the ads but not into the actual movie. And the DVD doesn't even have the good grace to include the original ending, even on the two-disc special edition version.
drath
Sep. 22nd, 2007 03:56 am (UTC)
Yowch... was THAT "film" ever a trainwreck. Even my easygoing SciFi significant other gave up trying to follow it. Anyone wanna remove a couple gallons of Highlander Sauce from our kitchen? It's still relatively fresh but it's not to our liking, and we are Seeking to unload it before it turns and starts stanking up the place.

foomf
Sep. 22nd, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
Too late! The sauce has stained your brain!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )