January 12th, 2006

Presence Light

(no subject)

I had a preliminary job interview at 2:30 today... when I left, Penny was relaxing to go to sleep.
When I got home at 5:30ish, after stopping to get some things she would need ... she was gone.
Not breathing, face cold, and I couldn't find a heartbeat.

I called 911, and I tried rescue breathing but did not do full CPR, as we were told that would not be any good.
The sherriff and the firemen came, couldn't wake her.
She's gone. We didn't make it to 25 years.
I know she's not in pain, and I know that she is absolutely in the company of the blessed.
But she's not here, and thus the law of conservation of pain is in effect, because I'm feeling every second of it.

Damnit. I was not here, and she was just getting ready to watch Judge Judy... I missed her by such a short time.
She had just put her glasses aside to take a short nap, apparently. So it was in her sleep.

I thank all of you who gave us your prayers, love and sympathy.
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    numb numb