January 14th, 2006


Visits and stuff.

Did the funeral home thing yesterday. Brad and Linda are helping with the immediate costs. I asked for an autopsy. It's not automatic for an unattended death at home, when there's no sign of violence. I want to know what she did actually die from.

I found out that I _did_ get us term life insurance, which is still in effect, so the cost of Penny's treatment may be covered, which will be a relief. There might even be enough to deal with some other costs.

Brad and Linda took me to Reedville Cafe last night - it's their annual Crab Fest, and we each had a whole Dungeness, and they're very nice this week. I had planned to get a crab take-out from them and to share some of it with Penny on Friday, even though we knew she wouldn't eat very much.

My brother Allen came up, with his amour du temps (they've been together for about five years but have broken up and reunited a couple times, and she doesn't want to get married). They stayed until ten, when I kicked them out politely, and only did the perfunctory yell at Allen to stop the damn smoking, as he has emphysema and was told if he kept smoking he would die. Shamelessly, I reminded him that I did not want to have to deal with his funeral any time soon.

Once they left, Faux Paw (Penny's special cat) came out. She was having trouble breathing, and had found the bedpan that the police put into the bathtub ... she and the other cats had been peeing around it so she could find her way back home. Anyway, she rolled around on the foot of the bedside table that was on Penny's side of the bed, which she would do to get Penny's attention. It was too late to take her to the vet so I waited.

Brother Casey, and Mom and Mitch came up today, getting here just after Faux Paw came out from under the bed where she hides. I left Mom and Mitch at the apartment club house (Mom's violently allergic to cats and roses, which the apartment is full of at the moment) and Casey drove me over to the Companion Pet Clinic in Hillsboro, which is where I had taken Savvy when she was dying last spring.

Faux Paw was panting to breathe, and she had fluid buildup around her lungs, which the doctor drained out. He did an x-ray and she has an enlarged heart - it could be from thyroid disease, not uncommon for a 20 year old cat, or just from stress or old age. She's now breathing better, has some meds, and I need to get her some more at the pharmacy soon. She has probably another three to six months, frankly.
I intend to make sure she is comfortable and happy before she goes to be with Penny.

Anyway. Got home and we went to lunch at Gogo's Mongolian Grill. That's another place that I had been wanting to take Penny to, but we'd always gone to her favorite Pho restaurant instead. It was a great dinner (they do things a bit differently, the meat and veggies are fresher and the sauces are better and added at the END of the cooking) ... but they had 'all-hits' radio on, and in the middle of the dinner this song came on that just knocked me for a loop, James Blunt 'You're Beautiful' ...

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

The first time I heard that was when Penny had been diagnosed after the CT scan and I was driving back to work... I had to stop the car and park for a minute. The emotion was too raw, and I broke down in the restaurant when it came on again.

Anyway. Going to see Narnia with Brad and Linda.

Tomorrow, if I think I can face it, I'll go in to church. Though, since I tend to crack and start leaking every time someone says anything really nice to me at the moment, I might not be able to face it. We'll see.
  • Current Music
    You're Beautiful


My friend Brian Kurle (co-worker at NEC and more recently Intel, while my contract there was still active) has been marvelously empathetic and sympathetic about Penny's death and how I'm dealing.

I thought about that tonight after watching "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"...
Incidentally, this is a beautiful movie, and Brian, if you read this, you SHOULD see it.

Because of the song at the restaurant today, I thought I might lose it at the scene at the Stone Table. I didn't... because I knew what was coming next. Death, sacrifice, all are redeemed and transformed.

All through the movie I was wishing Penny was there with me, and after a bit, I could hear her saying, "You dummy, I'm already THERE."

So while I'm sort of teary-eyed, I'm almost stupidly happy at the moment.
This is the difference for those who know Christ - we know that we die, we know that we live, that God is the God of the living, and all who live in Christ live in Him forever.

A dear friend told me that she dreamed that Penny was released from jail, that she had been in prison for years, shackled and tormented.
And she was set free.

She is free.

Thank you, Lord, for your infinite mercy, for freedom from all sorrow and pain and death. Thank you for the turning of the seasons and the beginnings and the endings.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm