Grumpy and OldI hate long rambling page-filling posts ... without cuts.
OK. Haven't posted much lately.
No particularly good reason. Haven't really been in a journal mood, I suppose.
This is a "me" post. Go away if you don't like people going on about themselves.
Life stuff: July 12th was the 2.5 years deathiversary for Penny. For about a year, I would have nightmares on or around the 12th of the month, or on other key dates, of the type where we were doing things, making plans, getting ready for stuff ... and as we started to talk I would remember and realize and it would, in the dream, make her have the heartbroken expression when I would realize, and say "But you died..." and in one, near the last of them, she said, "Why couldn't we just go on here then," and I found myself saying, "You said I had to go on." Stupid dreams.
My job continues. There is no hope for advancement in this job. I don't know that I even WANT advancement any more, but I probably should work on my marketability since I have basically no retirement left, only Social Security, which (whether or not it dies) won't be enough. I'll be working for the next 30 years, if I live that long. But I am enjoying some of the work, and getting paid well enough to get by. Not well enough to get ahead at any appreciable rate.
My sick cat Vinnie goes in Monday morning for her radioiodine treatment. The doctor was all hyper to warn me that her kidneys may go nuts, as thyroid disease often masks kidney disease - masks, nothing, it can cause it. She'll die miserably and in pain if we didn't give the treatment, and the kidney disease can also be treated.
My place remains a mess. Was planning to have Cherie and Liam come up and help me go through Penny's clothes and stuff. They have been dealing, though, with Liam's fathers' sudden illness, and thus, unavailable.
We'll find a way for it to happen sometime. Or not. I could get around to doing it myself.
My lease is up in November or December or somesuch. I would love to get a house but here, the house prices are still filthy. And,there's the "Am I really able to afford a house with my current income" ... and my Mom is not. They're going to have to get a new place somehow. I'm considering finding a duplex, and seeing if that could work, but I suspect I would be forced to kill my stepfather to keep him from turning into a lugubrious mess of misery on my doorstep. I already do enough of that thank you. And, distance is one of the things that makes parents more tolerable.
Last I heard, my brother-in-law and his wife were back in the same house. I really hate the situation they are in. Neither of them has any particular skill at being married. They're both decent parents, but there are limits to that too. I want to talk to my nieces.
My main diversion remains City of Heroes, but I'm also finding that some of the friendships I started there are not really what they ought to be. It's part of the problem, I guess, with getting too much of my interactions from people online. I'm an extravert. I *need* human contact, in order to get the energy to function. My job doesn't have much direct contact since I'm not actually in a team developing things.
edit to add paragraph on sick
I was disgustingly sick this week. Somewhere Sunday or Monday I was exposed to this truly NASTY bug, and I was hit Monday night with a combination of sick-or-exhausted that interacted with my narcolepsy to make me have to fight to get awake enough to get to bed, which left me sleepless until somewhere around 4:30am. Tuesday I was headachy, blood sugars plunging and soaring,AND I didn't feel like I could swallow any food.
I ended up going to bed around 9pm with a shivery fever, which I'm pretty sure hit 103 or 104, but no higher this time, because of the nature of the dreams. I can pretty much guage my fever by which brain function goes into overdrive. 106 is mathematical modeling trying to solve recursive geometries.
Anyway, I was home with the blech all week, finally came in to work this afternoon.
Annoying drama, somewhat self-induced:
I've been banished from
kwsapphire's journal, because I was rude to her (I told her she was being judgmental, and that she was wrong about something she was wrong about, and she has decided I'm full of it, which is arguably true on many occasions, to my chagrin.) Based on another post declaring her great joy at finding that you get much drunker much faster when you don't eat much, I am suspecting she was not precisely sober when she posted her reply, and I am hoping it was made worse because of that. I'm sorry I offended her, but she did make this claim that she wanted people to be truthful, and she's about as gentle as a buzzsaw with people who disagree with her. Still, I suppose that's an acquaintance ended. Too bad, since she's generally a worthy person to know.I'd love to know when I told her to "suck it up" though; I seldom give that kind of advice except for situations where it's the only way to survive.
Anyway, for LJ dramatics, that makes three people who have banned me for being rude to them. For Asher and Maus, I don't necessarily regret identifying their "objectivism" as a religion, since that's how they treat it, and I am happy to not see the great Drama going on ... but I still want to see how Maus's career is going, and I miss talking about music with him since it's one area where he always challenged my boundaries with new things. Not so much on religion though.
In further dramatics, two weeks ago, I global-ignored
kellzilla on City because she has a habit on channel of passive-aggressive snark and when someone calls her on it, going all childish-taunting. I am no longer in grade school and thus do not find it necessary to listen to that. On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog, but they can certainly tell when you're being a little bitch. Anyway, she seems to have stopped, and I de-ignored her (despite all the stupid, I like Kelci, in general) but frankly, I'm getting very tired of the clique-mind ... the Livejournal community for City has had its ups and downs, but it's starting on a protracted down. I even find it from people I would rather not find it from, and it makes me tired.I've got this huge friends-list, at least in terms of what I could ever read in a day. However, I only really read a subset of it. I wish LJ had started by calling it "contacts" or "watching" or "awareness" or something less easily misconstrued.
"Friends" is an object-oriented programming term, in the way they implemented it. You don't just want to watch friends.
Anyway. I have been at work for long enough for one night. I've test-installed Klocwork, found a hole in the install, asked for a pointer to why, and since SVN is down right now, I am going to go home, feed the cats, haul out some garbage, and see if I can find the ambition to try to walk on the treadmill.
