This has nothing at all to do with the real world.
So why it's bleeding through to make me sad, I dunno. Maybe because it's another ending without a beginning or a transition or a healing.
I'm tired of those.
My third Care Receiver died last week, as well - I hadn't visited him in over a year because his MS had advanced to the point that he was delerious most of the time and even I couldn't "feel" him ... His wife was the only one who could elicit a moment or two of his 'real' self, and his current Care Giver was really struggling, but apparently making a good connection sometimes.
And my wife (bless her always) has been having health issues that have made it impossible, or at least very very difficult, for her to deal with the situation she's in with a jobless husband, a very recessionary job market (Oh come ON, Shrub, it's a fucking depression, stop playing games with bin Laden and focus some of your advisers' intellect on resolving this before it goes universal!) and no end in sight.
This is a test of faith and I'm tired of being tested.
OK, so maybe it DOES have to do with the real world?
Anyway. The stuff that's the focus of my current sorrow:
At the beginning of this year, a new MUX opened called X-Men Alpha. It's a year-zero mux (for those of you to whom this means something, but who have not got characters there), which has a pretty tight theme at the moment.
In fact, I referred to it once as a global plot which happens to have its own server.
Here's the problem.
I was begged, wheedled, and cajoled into creating a character there, by a friend (Hi Gordon, if you're reading this please send email!) and by iceraver.
Who is also a friend, but also part of the current frustration.
Somewhere in ?March?ish timeframe, Gordon's computer died, and he lost access for nearly two weeks. He got back on around Easter for a week or so. After that, he got into a situation with the housemates that resulted in his being totally incommunicado for most of the last few months. He's set on-vacation on MXT, due to expire on July 16th.
And barring a miracle that's when his characters there will be removed.
Now, onto part two of this emotional debacle.
I created a character, Cal Rankin (Mimic), on XMA. This is a 'feature' character, the first I'd ever played, altered significantly from the canon character, as is true of every character on XMA.
He is currently infatuated with Jean-Paul Martin Beaubier (Northstar) ... another character there, who returns that infatuation. Whether it's real and long-term is irrelevant; it's there. They're both members of what passes for the X-Men on XMA.
On the 16th of May, the guy playing Magneto had to decamp. His RL situation got to the point where he had to simply give up the character completely. Staff chose to take over the character, and a particular staffer (Angst) gave the character an interpretation which (while correct for Magneto anywhere else) was totally inappropriate for someone who'd been running the X-Men for two years, successfully impersonating Xavier, and generally being NOT the psycho ruler of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants etc.
On the 16th, Iceman, Northstar, and Mimic got into a scuffle. The result was that on the 17th and 18th, Magneto basically had an angst-tantrum and kicked all three of us off the team.
Now this would be fine, but JP doesn't want the character except on X-Men. He'd arranged to get Aurora (his sister, played by another friend) onto the team. She only wanted the character on the team. And finally, I don't particularly want nor need the hassle of creating and running a separate team, so I also don't want the character unless he's on the X-Men. It's part of his background, motivations, etc.
We worked out a way to deal with this about a week after the blowup.
Then, JP went into some serious RL crap, and wasn't able to have the scene, and that dragged on for a month. And now nobody seems to have the time to schedule to do the RP session to re-integrate the team. I've attempted to set it up three times, and had it fall through each time.
Well, I've set a deadline, July 16th. If by that time it hasn't happened, then it's not important enough to the others to do it, and I might as well give up on it. Two months of forced inactivity on a character is long enough.
But at this point I really don't expect it to happen.
And, I'm not sure I care any more.
But it's ironic (in the real sense, not the illiterate Alanis sense) that I'll be leaving the character on the same day that Gordon's characters expire on MXT.
Perhaps a miracle will happen and neither ending will come to pass.
But I've almost stopped expecting miracles.